First Base
by Ruuger
Summary: The story of how Corwin ended up looking like a complete idiot, Or: Corwin and Zack have a guys' night out. Set just before 'The River of Souls'. Written for the Babylon 5 Friendship Ficathon.


Zack was not sure how Garibaldi eventually found out about the whole thing - Lochley certainly would not have told him about it - but when he did, and when his curiosity and investigative skills lead him to Zack, all Zack could do was to blame the whole thing on the repair crew. 

Repairs of some sort were an everyday occurrence on Babylon 5, and that particular day the workers had decided to close off half off mess hall, and had decided to do this during breakfast time. And it was because of this that Zack eventually found himself sitting in the same table with Corwin.

Zack was only in semi-familiar terms with most of the C&C staff, but he remembered Corwin as a decent enough guy from during the Civil War. The two of them had never really talked, though, and ten minutes later Zack was starting to see why.

"Alright, I give up. What is it?"

Zack put down the object he had been studying and looked at the triumphantly smiling Corwin.

"It's a lovebat. My aunt owns the company that makes them."

"A... lovebat?" Zack repeated, and discreetly wiped his hands to his pantleg. "What the hell is a lovebat?"

"It is approved by the Earth Alliance Psychologists Association and can be used for reliaving headaches or muscle tension caused by physical or emotional stress. It physically releases the need for punishment and guilt when we do something wrong and at the same time provides positive, psychological re-enforcement, boosting confidence and self-esteem. See?"

And with those words Corwin reached over the table and hit Zack on the head with the bat.

_"I love you."_

"Right. And how much is your aunt paying you for selling these... things?"

Zack took the bat from Corwin and tapped it against the table.

_"I forgive you."_

"It's not exactly commission-"

_"I love you."_

"...and she is family-"

_"I forgive you."_

"...and I honestly haven't had any headaches since I got mine-"

_"I love you."_

"...and-"

_"I forgive you."_

Corwin snatched back the bat and returned it in it's box.

"Do you have any idea just how small the average paycheck of an C&C officer is compared to the actual living expenses on the station?"

Zack just smiled and finished his coffee.

"Well, at least you're not wearing an armband," he said and then, when noticing the confused took on Corwin's face, added "What I'm saying is, you really need to get out more."

------

They ruled out Earharts and most of the bars frequented by station personnel on the grounds that if you wanted to get really drunk, you did not want to do it in a place where your subordinates or - even worse - your superior officers might see you.

They stood outside the Dark Star for a very long while, staring at the poster by the door. A fuzzy picture of Londo Mollari sitting in a table with two dancing girls in his lap, with the words "Officially Endorsed By Emperor Londo Mollari" shoddily printed above it.

Zack shrugged.

"Well, if it's good enough for Emperor Mollari..."

------

"I once slept with Ambassador G'Kar."

Zack looked up from his beer and stared at Corwin, trying to rearrange his friend's words, hoping to form a sentence that made sense in a way that did not make him want to feed his brain to a na'ka'leen just to get the mental images out of his head. The questions 'You did what with who' and 'Would you mind if we pretend you didn't say that' were also floating around in his alcohol-numbed brain, but what came out when he finally was able to get his mouth working again was simply: "What?"

"Remember that day of the dead thing, when we lost a part of the station? His quarters were in the sector that was sold to the Gaim and he didn't want to sleep there like he'd know what was going to happen. So he came to the C & C and asked if he could sleep there."

Corwin paused his attempts to spear a cherry with a cocktail umbrella.

"I mean, I didn't sleep. He did. On the floor of the C & C."

"Oh."

------

"You know what I don't get," Corwin asked, looking at the Centauri girl dancing on the stage, and then continued before Zack had a chance to react to his question. "Women. I just don't get them."

"You're not the only one," Zack muttered to his drink, their earlier conversation about G'Kar now giving him other kinds of mental images he'd rather ignore.

"You buy them roses."

"You try to be their friend."

"And I mean real synthetic roses."

"You do all you can to get them out of trouble."

"_Expensive _synthetic roses."

"In the end you'd do just about anything for them."

"But it's like they don't even notice you."

"And when you finally tell them what you feel, it's like they hadn't heard a word you said."

"No matter what you do."

"'Cause all they can see is the other guy."

"With stupid hair."

"Stupid accent."

"Being all 'look at me, I'm a hero'"

"And then they go and get themselves killed."

"How can anyone beat that?"

"And then she's all heart-broken."

"And leaves without as much as goodbye."

The men downed their drinks and sighed in unison.

"Women."

And it was in that moment of male bonding and mutual understanding that the bet was made.

"I bet the world would be a much better place if everyone had a lovebat."

It wasn't really a bet, just an unfortunate choice of words on Corwin's part, but four Jovian Sunspots and two regrettable brivari shots later it was a bet, and one that next morning made Corwin swear to never again touch any drink that was named after Centauri royalty.

------

"If you could wait for a moment with Mr. Allan, sir, I will be right back."

Swearing under his breath Corwin snatched the bat from Zack and then, ignoring Mr. Clute's confused look, plastered a smile on his face and stepped into Captain Lochley's office.

So really, it was all the repair crew's fault.


End file.
